How to Deal With Your Partners Fetish

Tips on Understanding It and Including It in Your Sex Life


Your first reaction to your partner telling you that they have a fetish may be shock – but there are ways to get your head around it and maybe even enjoy it as part of your sex life.

‘Fetish’ may seem like a dirty word to some – it speaks of desires that are taboo and maybe extreme. In today’s sexually liberated society though, there are far less reasons to suppress sexual desires. The most important thing about introducing a fetish into a relationship is full consent and enjoyment on both sides. Here are some ways to help you to deal with your partner’s fetish.

Time to talk:

If your partner decides to share their fetish with you, it means that they trust you. It’s important to treat them with respect, even if their fetish may not be something that you understand or have even heard of. Be clear that you are here to listen to them, but don’t agree to anything that you are not comfortable with, like introducing the fetish into your sex life, until you are fully aware of what it entails and are sure that you are comfortable with it.

Do your research:

If your partner says that they have a fetish and you don’t know the first thing about it, do your homework! The internet is a wonderful tool for finding out about endless fetishes, and you can often talk to other partners in your position. Ask your partner questions too; after all, they know quite a bit more about it than you. Ask them how long they have had their fetish, how many partners they have been open about it with, and so on. Showing that you are interested and wanting to learn more will encourage your partner to be more open about their desires.

How comfortable are you?

Once you know a bit more about your partner’s fetish, it’s important to ask yourself a few questions. Are you comfortable with the fetish, or is it something that you just can’t get your head around. If you don’t mind it, then are you comfortable with introducing it into your sex life. It can be one thing to tolerate something, but something else entirely to enjoy it. Take as much time as you need to think about where your own desires fit into all of this.

Test the waters:

If you are sure that you are comfortable with your partner’s fetish, then you can take the next step and begin introducing it into your sex life. Your partner may be new to sharing their fetish with a partner, so this could be their first time in this situation. Take time to listen to each other and understand where your limits lie. You may not be as comfortable as your partner, so establish firm boundaries and agree on a ‘safe word’ so that if you want to stop at any time, it’s clear and easy for your partner to understand. If your partner’s fetish involves any kind of role play, then a safe word is simply essential.

Above all, enjoy yourselves:

Sex is something to be enjoyed, and good communication between partners is the first step on the path to sexual satisfaction. You may agree on including a fetish to a certain degree at first and then work up to more advanced things. As long as sex remains enjoyable, then you are both doing something right. Talking to your partner regularly will let you know if your levels of satisfaction are adding up, and if not, what you both can do regarding their fetish and its successful integration into your sex life.

It can feel a little overwhelming at first, but breaking the process down into small steps can make it a lot easier for the both of you. As long as you are in the know, your partner’s fetish is just another part of them that you can learn all about, and perhaps find some enjoyment of your own in too!

The Modern Empress is a dominatrix who is a natural dominant woman who welcomes fetishes to her immaculate Central London Playspace.